Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Seated with Him in Heavenly Places

I was talking to God about my concerns with my relationship to the church.  Rick Joyner had said that people who don't have a strong local church life often do more damage than good and cause division (read here).  I seem to cause problems merely by showing up, so lately I've stopped doing that.  I'm not disruptive, I sit in the back and I smile at people, but they all know how I believe and get looks of anxiety on their faces when I come through the door.  I've watched a couple friends church hopping and they encounter hostility.  Our reputations proceed us.  I don't wanna keep moving around, wearing out my welcome, or diminishing my faith in order to fit in.  And I respect what Rick is saying and I want to take a look at my situation and not see myself as always the exception to rules that I don't like, but I also don't want to cause problems or make people uncomfortable in their church.

So I'm jabbering all these concerns to God and getting really involved in thinking about this whole dilemma when I gradually become aware that I am sitting sideways on my Father's lap with my head on His chest and He's kinda bouncing His knee a little.  And then church drama no longer mattered.  He loves me.  I may be screwing everything up, I may be so wrong, but my Daddy loves me and cares that I'm upset.  And the church drama does matter, and it matters to Him.  It's just that at that moment, me getting straightened out was not priority number one.  My being secure in His love, my being comforted, took precedence.

So then I really let loose and cried.  And it wasn't about the whole church thing.  I was just melting really, in His love.  Walls were coming down.  I try so hard to get it right and I forget His incredible acceptance.   I can't quit crying.  And stuff like this is exactly why I have trouble fitting in.


  1. Seneca,
    Check out this song.....I think you will like it. It is one of my favorites.


  2. I got some healing over this through a dream. I walked into a room and my former pastor was there and he gave us (my Mom, sister and I) a warm welcome. Then he started talking about us to a guy standing there, and telling him about our prayer ministry, going on and on. It got embarrassing and we had to say something humble to offset all the stuff he was saying. Then we had to get our seats and there were chairs randomly scattered about, but you had to get your assigned seat. You would choose a colored peg from the wall, then go to a guy at a table who would give you a card that corresponded with that color and it would have your assigned seat. I wound up at the end of the line and only had 2 choices so I picked a blueish/purple peg and got my card from the guy. The card said Ephesians 2:6. (the seated in heavenly places scripture) I was jumping up and down and telling the guy that that really was where I was supposed to sit and that was sooooo me and on and on and on. Then I went and sat down.